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SANGRE
http://www.abhorrent-existence.com


Only with death can there be new life.

I had no intention of making music ever again. I originally produced industrial, hardcore techno, speedcore, and deathcore because I enjoyed doing it. I actually enjoyed the idea that people would listen to it and possibly like it. I started Acid Enema in 1995 with this purpose. As I grew older, it stopped being fun. I stopped enjoying the kind words people would say about my music, and it started to become a hassle. By this point I was no longer making music for the sake of making music - I made music because I had no other release for my hate and self loathing. As my personal life became worse, my need to create music grew with it.

From the very beginning, Acid Enema was in constant evolution. I chose the name at the time because I honestly didn't think I would get anywhere. Here was a ridiculous name to go along with my ridiculous music that was complete trash at best. As I started to progress and make inroads to create a better sound, I found that I could not get rid of the name, even though I knew I should. So Acid Enema evolved from straightforward hardcore, to speedcore, a period where I created breakcore, then deathcore, and eventually, leading to a black metal recording that was released as a split with Xasthur.

From the very beginning, Acid Enema was in constant evolution. I chose the name at the time because I honestly didn't think I would get anywhere. Here was a ridiculous name to go along with my ridiculous music that was complete trash at best. As I started to progress and make inroads to create a better sound, I found that I could not get rid of the name, even though I knew I should. So Acid Enema evolved from straightforward hardcore, to speedcore, a period where I created breakcore, then deathcore, and eventually, leading to a black metal recording that was released as a split with Xasthur.

At this point, my life had a turning point. Life became good for once. I had married my wife after 3 years of dating, and my son was born in 2001. I had no more use for Acid Enema. I was finally rid of the ridiculous name, the terrible music I created, and I disappeared from both the extreme electronics scene and the black metal scene. I really felt like there was no room for me anyhow in the extreme electronics scene. I was (and still am) into the 4/4 hardcore patterns and distorted 909 bassdrums, while it seems that everyone else had moved on to broken beat, breakcore, IDM, or other forms that were more "intelligent". I felt I was a relic of the old scene and had no place there, so I cut off contact with everyone. While black metal itself is always a form of music that will appeal to me because of sheer darkness and despair the music radiates, the "scene" itself was full of morons that I could do without.

I had not touched an instrument or music software for 2 years, and I didn't intend to. Any messages regarding Acid Enema were all ignored. It is not that I was ashamed of my previous work, but they were associated with bad times in my life that I didn't want to be reminded of. In Life had taken a small turn for the worse in 2002 when I became injured at work and became temporarily disabled. Then, in 2003, while still out from work and receiving a pittance in disability payment, I started to become ill with pancreatic attacks. For over half of 2003 my health and weight started to decline as I had to keep making multiple trips to the emergency room as well as extended stays in the hospital. I was kept on a constant prescription of demerol that not only numbed the left side of my body from much sensation for weeks at a time, but also caused violent nightmares as a side effect. Eventually surgery was performed, and I was slowly gaining weight and getting my health back to decent state.

Still on disability, and feeling physically and emotionally drained from my health problems, I was not ready for the next tragedy in my life. On June 30th, 2003, my grandfather had passed away. His death was not only devastating to me, but to my family. I knew his death was inevitable - he had been in and out of the hospital several times in the months beforehand, but what haunted me most was that I could not bring myself to see him in intensive care, or in a drug induced coma. I didn't want my last remembrance of him alive to be that way. I wanted to remember him as he was as I was growing up. After he passed away, I was overwhelmed with guilt. I had let him down, I had not gone and seen him when I had the chance, to be there for him when he needed family the most, as he was there for me and my brothers, sisters, and cousins.

I had no way to get rid of these feelings. I was either going to drive myself insane festering on about it, or I would find some way to alleviate the pain, frustration, anger, and depression. I began to make music again, but this couldn't be Acid Enema anymore. This time around, the music I would create would be more focused, slower, and somber in it's approach. Sangre is a word that speaks to me. The Spanish word for Blood. Blood is the essence of life, the liquid that courses through my veins, my family's veins, and the same blood that my son will pass on to future generations. The 5 core tracks that comprise "En Memoria" were created from his passing, and deals exclusively with what I wanted to tell him but never had a chance to.

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DTRASH200Trash The World2015
DTRASH067En Memoria2005